Earlier this year, my husband got that call every celebrity dreams of.
No – not to be the next James Bond, headline the Super Bowl, or sing with Elmo on Sesame Street.
He was asked to be on Dancing with the Stars.
Naturally, he is super psyched about this. He has had DWTS on his vision board for years and is hoping it might bring him better acting roles. Plus, he started his career performing on cruise liners and has often talked of how he misses dressing in lycra on the daily.
The twist is: I hope he cheats on me with his dance partner. Our friends have teased me that he may run off with his gorgeous co-star. And the tabloids have gleefully rubbed their hands together printing articles about how any spouse of a DWTS contestant should worry about them staying faithful. But they would all be shocked to know the truth.
Because: I’d be delighted if he started an affair. My husband looks to me for most of his social interaction and – while I am often out with gal pals – he haunts our home like Casper the Friendless Ghost. I’d just like someone else to take him off my hands for a bit, so that I could have some precious ‘me time’.
So while I should be praying he gets a dance partner that isn’t his type, I’m actually hoping she has blonde hair and a lisp (he has had a crush on Kelly Ripa since forever). And while most wives would desperately want their husband to be given the sexless, comedy dances, I hope they get him straight into a sensual Rumba. As much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Legs everywhere.
Remy, these thoughts are plaguing me. I didn’t realize I wanted my husband out of my hair so much. Is it time to take stock of my marriage?
Weary of Wifing.
Dear Weary of Wifing,
Your letter reveals a complex mix of emotions. On one hand, you yearn for space and independence. On the other, you might be craving the thrill of jealousy – a feeling that can add spark to a relationship. Esther Perel, a renowned relationship expert, suggests that jealousy can sometimes be an aphrodisiac, making our partners seem more desirable. And it’s much cheaper than oysters, so win win.
Encouraging your husband to find hobbies or sports can help him build a more independent social life. This isn’t just about filling his time but helping him become more self-sufficient and socially fulfilled, which could ultimately make him more interesting to you.
What activities has he enjoyed in the past or shown interest in? Could he take up brewing, join a hiking group, or reconnect with old friends? The goal is to help him find joy and connections outside of your relationship, which can give you both the space you need. This could also improve his mental health and sense of self-worth, making your time together more fulfilling.
And know that yours isn’t an uncommon problem. There has been much made in the last few years around how difficult male friendship is, and how wives and girlfriends are depended on to bridge that gap. But all is not lost: there are social groups springing up for exactly this reason, and your husband should look into them. Making friends as a grown-up might seem more daunting than when he was first doing it in school, but at least there’s not the added embarrassment of the clumsiness and hand-me-down wardrobes that accompanied adolescence.
